crack fic oh noes D:
by Sinsanity
Summary: In advance... I'm sorry for writing this.  Too much Pepsi... late at night... Coke is by far the superior soda... what am I doing again?  OH RIGHT SUMMARY.  There is no summary.  Stuff this ridiculous cannot be summarized.  Random crack pairings.


**GAHHHH IM STRESSING GUYS THERES NO TIME FOR SPELLING AND CORRECT PUNCTUATION D:**

**And so a crackfic was born into the world of Bleach Fanfiction.**

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><p>"RUKIA WTF WHY ARE YOU WASHING GRIMMJOW'S HAIR." Ichigo burst into Byakuya's mansion, where he happened to find Rukia scrubbing Grimmjow down.<p>

Rukia looked up in surprise. "Oh, hi Ichigo. How did you get in here? I thought Nii-sama reinforced the walls after the Shinigami Women's society broke in a few weeks ago…"

Grimmjow stuck his tongue out. "Got a problem, pixie?"

Ichigo's nostrils flared. "DAMN STRAIGHT THERE'S A PROBLEM, BLUEBERRY! GRIMMRUKI IS A CRACK PAIRING AND WILL NEVER TRIUMPH OVER ICHIRUKI, THE MOST SHIPPED BLEACH COUPLE EVER!"

Orihime chose then to pop in. "Actually, I like to think that Ulquihime is pretty big too. Emospada doesn't like the attention though…" she informed them as she dragged Ulquiorra out of a closet conveniently placed in Byakuya's manor for the purpose of this fic.

"Trash…"

Orihime squealed. "Ohhh, I love you too! He's so sweet!" She punctuated her point by pinching Ulquiorra's cheek.

Grimmjow chose then to stand up from his bath, in all his sexy, naked, bubbly, glory, and saunter over to Ulquiorra, pinching his other cheek.

He leaned in and whispered, "Ya know, Grimmulqui is a pretty big pairing too. Guess who's usually on top." Cue rape face here.

Yoruichi smashed through Byakuya's roof and pounced on Grimmjow, sending him to the ground. As Grimmjow's face became well acquainted with the floor, Yoruichi sang out, "Grimmyoru exists too, but it's not as big as Grimmsoi. How does that one even work?"

Soifon broke in. "YORUICHI-SAMA!" she cried. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU CHOOSE THE… the… um…"

"Trashy?" Ulquiorra offered.

"Yes, trashy… thank you. YOU CHOOSE THE TRASHY ARRANCAR BAD GUY DELINQUENT OVER ME? EVEN THE LAZY ASS YOU CALL KISUKE IS PREFERABLE OVER HIM!"

Yoruichi was shocked. "NO! SOIFON! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

Grimmjow sprang up angrily. "WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH ME?"

Ulquiorra lunged viciously at him. "TRASH! DOES THIS-" he motioned between him and the blue-haired idiot "-MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MAKE US?"

"ULQUIORRA!" Orihime wept. "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? WE CAN INCLUDE GRIMMJOW IF THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT! I'M OKAY WITH THREESOMES!"

"ORIHIME!" Rukia interjected. "I THOUGHT YOUR STANDARDS WERE HIGHER THAN THAT!"

"SINCE WHEN ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT ORIHIME? YOU A LESBIAN OR SOMETHING?" Ichigo yelled at Rukia accusingly.

"NOTHIN' WRONG WITH GAYS!" Yumichika shrieked as he flashed them and hid.

"OMG NEKKID MALES!" Uryu sputtered out through his nosebleed.

"I KNEW IT! YOU ARE A HOMOSAPIEN!" Keigo hollered.

"DUMBASS! YOU MEAN A HOMOGENEOUS!" Toshiro butt in.

"HOW DID YOU ALL GET HERE?" Ichigo was confused now. Not that he wasn't before. ABSWDBEWJQBIQCWUWSDF.

"ALL CAPS RAGE!" Grimmjow declared, still butt-naked as the day he was born. Or hollified. Whatever.

"POINTLESS SCREAMING!"

"YOU'RE POINTLESS SCREAMING!"

"LIFE IS POINTLESS!"

"CAN IT, ULQUIORRA!"

"DON'T TELL MY WIFEY TO CAN IT!"

"ORIHIME! IF YOU GUYS WERE MARRIED, YOU WOULD BE THE WIFEY, NOT HIM!"

"NOT IF I HAVE ANY SAY IN IT!"

"YOU DON'T!"

"MY BLOOD IS BLACK!'

"CROSSOVER!"

"SCREAMING!"

""

""

""

""

"KUROSAKI-"

""

"WTF? HOW DID YOU GUYS GET INTO MY HOUSE?"

"NII-!"

Kisuke, Kenpachi, and Aizen decided to break in just then.

"Hey guys!" Kisuke sang out. "Guess what?"

Renji jumped out of one of the floorboards. "CHICKEN BUTT."

"Nope!" Kisuke giggled as the three raised their swords.

"BANKAI!"

"COLLECTIVE GASP!"

And then the world exploded. And Grimmjow came out of the closet. And Rukia cursed Chappy. And Toshiro turned into a female and all the fangirls swallowed his/her soul. THE END.

Plus Ulquiorra smiled. And all three dimensions exploded again.

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><p><strong>now the crackfic dies. forever. <strong>

**ok I feel better now. I'm surprised that I managed to capitalize and use quote marks. Huzzah for my awesomeness. Ichigo thanks you BERRY much for reading this! Hur hur hur- *shot* o3o I'll go wallow in shame now.**

**EDIT: Whoa, I just realised! I can't put things like Nii-sama with endless a's at the end. It bleeps it out D': The parts in the fic where is says "-" or somthing like that is where there was just random screaming. You didn't miss much. FEAR NOT, MORTALS! Ok life-changing epiphany over.  
><strong>


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